‘I’m 28 and I’ve never had an orgasm…’
I own my own place in Leeds – it’s just a one bed flat, but it’s nice. I play football every Wednesday with my friends. Afterwards, we go out for beers. I love to cycle – I did a charity ride from London to Paris last summer – and spend most weekends on my bike. I wear a suit to work, and when I catch sight of myself in a mirror, I think, ‘You look so normal…’
But I don’t feel normal. I suffer from anorgasmia – the inability to reach orgasm, despite being stimulated. It’s one of the least common of sexual disorders in men – according to some statistics only about 25% of men orgasm at every sexual encounter.
Anorgasmia – where someone never orgasms with a partner – can happen to people for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s a physical problem – maybe because they’ve had prostate surgery. But often, as it is for me, it’s psychological.
I was sexually attacked by a family friend when I was 12, and I think because of the trauma I’ve never been able to reach orgasm with another person. I’m starting to think that it will never happen for me. And it has stopped me from getting into any serious relationships since I was a teenager.
When I was younger, I’d pretend it didn’t matter, or tell myself that I’d sort it out at some point. I’d bring girls home and we’d have sex, but eventually I’d lose my erection, and we’d both feel awkward about it. Or some girls would make jokes about how they’d ‘hit the jackpot’ by finding a guy who could go and go, but after a few months together would inevitably become really unhappy about the fact that I never orgasm.
They’d think they weren’t pleasing me in some way. I’d try and be reassuring, but the question of what the problem was would inevitably come up, and I’ve never felt like sharing my story with anyone.
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